Feelings vs. Emotions

When I first started therapy in my 30s, I was pretty sure I could name three feelings: sad, angry, and hungry. And frankly, I wasn’t even sure about hungry. Isn’t it a basic body function? Ugh. 

Fast forward to therapy sessions where I’m the one asking the classic therapist question: “How did that make you feel?” Cue the shoulder shrug, the “I don’t know,” or the deer-in-headlights stare from clients. Most people can give you a play-by-play of a conversation with their roommate, their parent, or a coworker, but ask what they felt, and it’s crickets. Why is that?

Let’s break it down.

In everyday life, we toss around “emotions” and “feelings” like they’re interchangeable. But in therapy-land, there’s actually a distinction. I like the way Karla McClaren puts it: “An emotion is a physical experience that happens in real time and gives you information about the world. A feeling is your conscious awareness of the emotion itself.”

So, what does that mean?

Emotions are fast, automatic, and live in the older, lizard-y part of your brain. They’re your body’s response to what's happening around you. Watching a horror movie? That jump scare might make you slam your eyes shut, your heart race, and your fists clench. That’s emotion.

Feelings, on the other hand, are your brain's interpretation of that response. They’re shaped by your past, your beliefs, your family dynamics, your culture. After that jump scare, you might say to your friend, “I feel scared” or “I hate this movie.” Bingo, that’s your feeling.

In other words:

• Emotion = Body goes “Whoa!”

• Feeling = Brain goes “Whoa means... fear!”

And here’s the kicker: being able to name our emotions and feelings with precision (a skill called emotional granularity) can be life-changing. It’s the difference between saying, “I feel bad,” and your therapist gently offering, “Maybe you were feeling hesitant? Or unsure?” And suddenly, your shoulders drop, and you exhale like someone just opened a window. Yes. That. That’s emotional granularity doing its thing.

Why does this matter? Research shows that people with higher emotional granularity experience less anxiety and depression. They’re also less likely to reach for unhelpful coping tools when things get rough. Basically, naming what’s going on inside you turns you into your own best therapist. 

Stay tuned for my next post on how to build emotional granularity.